Funny Quotes from the World of Sports

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.

Gerald R. Ford

The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Phyllis Diller

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity.

Gordie Howe

The first half was even, the second half was even worse.

Pat Spillane

Sports are the reason I am out of shape. I watch them all on TV.

Thomas Sowell

Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very un-orderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can’t get you off.

Bill Veeck

Wrestling is ballet with violence.

Jesse Ventura

Playing polo is like trying to play golf during an earthquake.

Sylvester Stallone

If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out.

George Brett

Rugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen; soccer is a gentleman’s game played by beasts; football is a beastly game played by beasts.

Henry Blaha

I’ve never lost a game I just ran out of time.

Michael Jordan

If you make every game a life-and-death thing, you’re going to have problems. You’ll be dead a lot.

Dean Smith

Baseball is like church. Many attend, few understand.

Leo Durocher

I don’t have any tricky plays, I’d rather have tricky players.

Abe Lemons

You win some, lose some, and wreck some.

Dale Earnhardt

I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.

Eric Morecambe

The rules of soccer are very simple, basically it is this: if it moves, kick it. If it doesn’t move, kick it until it does.

Phil Woosnam

Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.

Frank Gifford

Serious sport is war minus the shooting.

George Orwell

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Erma Bombeck

The breakfast of champions is not cereal, it’s the opposition.

Nick Seitz

One day of practice is like one day of clean living. It doesn’t do you any good.

Abe Lemmons

If practice makes perfect, and no one is perfect, why practice?

Derek P.

If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

Jack Lemmon

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

Jack Handey

The only way to prove that you’re a good sport is to lose.

Ernie Banks

I figure practice puts your brains in your muscles.

Sam Snead

It’s a round ball and a round bat, and you got to hit it square.

Pete Rose

The trouble with referees is that they know the rules, but they do not know the game.

Bill Shankly

The NFL, like life, is full of idiots.

Randy Cross

That awkward moment when you’re wearing Nike’s and you can’t do it.


The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break.

John Madden

Tennis and golf are best played, not watched.

Roger Kahn

Losing is the great American sin.

Jerome Holtzman

If you can beat a team 6-5, you’re better off than losing 5-4.

Casey Stengel

The most important thing about batting is getting the bat to hit the ball.

Michael Holding

Football games turn on things that are done by players.

Willie Miller

I knew I had to win today, otherwise she would have beaten me.

Heather Watson

It’s bad to get hit on your chin. Because it’s attached to your head.

Rex Hudler

Solo homers usually come with no one on base.

Ralph Kinner

As the ball gets softer, it loses its hardness.

Geoff Boycott

In order to start winning, we have to stop losing.

Emmanuel Arceneaux

It’s hard to get a hit if you strike out.

Larry Dieker

We need the players, because without the players we wouldn’t have a team.

Howard Wilkinson

Better teams win more often than the teams that are not so good.

Tom Watt

Tis not that rural sports alone invite, but all the grateful country breathes delight.

John Gay

Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.

Ted Williams

Baseball is like church. Many attend; few understand.

Leo Durocher

Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.

Yogi Berra

Just sports. Playing games versus playing – sports

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